I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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