Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
