never play flip cup with pint glasses
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
