maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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