her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
True strength comes from lack of pants
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
