Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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