there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
