Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
