I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
