My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
