we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
