bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
