did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
