My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
