WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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