after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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