Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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