She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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