Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
there is glitter all over my balls
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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