he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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