i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
