i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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