omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
love makes seman taste better
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
