If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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