I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
