after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
