Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
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I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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