the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
