he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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