are you still at the devil's house?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
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she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
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If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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