I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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