Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
All I want is dick and wine.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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