At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
