Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
