we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
