i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
