I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
