I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it's like heaven, but drunker
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
