Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
