I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
