i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
