i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
