Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
