I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
