i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
