If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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