Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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