who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
