I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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