also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
