so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
