I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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