i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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