So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
All the doctor said was why
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
