i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
