So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
