Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
