My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize