He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
