btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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