help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
