i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
