Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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