Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
