Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
