I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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