Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
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Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
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Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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